Swimmer out of water
General | Georgina Lock | 14.04.08
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Let’s talk about Carla
by Gaston Diesel
For his third opus, our resident Danger Man thinks about Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, sex and the liberal media. Some may find the language in this article offensive.
Carla Bruni-Sarkozy: Did I tell you about my CD?
Prince Philip: Your seedy what?
The Sun; Thursday 27 March 2008
France 1, England 0 (not just in the football) - Carla Bruni-Sarkozy displays some fancy footwork to impress the crowds on the French President’s state visit yesterday.
The Independent; Thursday 27 March 2008
I rather like Carla Bruni, especially with her clothes off.
The Sun; Thursday 27 March 2008
It was an astonishingly demure, almost nun-like outfit…Her dress sense is nowhere near so wild as her bohemian past and romantic trysts might lead you to expect.
The Independent; Thursday 27 March 2008
The Sun Did you hear about that Sarkozy? You know him. President of the Republic, as they say. The big-nosed French dwarf who married that Carla Bruni. What? Yeah, that’s her, the model. Classy fluff that, a scorcher, a piece of the finest, firmest Italian ass. And you should see her tits. Lovely pert little tits. And best of all, she’s well dirty. She’s been with everyone. Trump, Clapton, Jagger. I could have her. Fuck me. You could have her. You got a light? Yeah mate, she’s like a cement mixer.
The Independent Of course, she was with the former Prime Minister of France too. Laurent Fabius was his name. He was a Socialist unlike Sarkozy so, you know, she swings both ways, as they say.
The Sun Nothing’d surprise me with that one. I was thinking about this. Prince Charles had the same idea as me. She likes things big this girl. Jagger, big lips. Trump, big bucks. Sarkozy, big nose. Old Charlie Windsor, big ears. And me, well, I’ve never had any complaints.
Can you imagine what the sprog’d look like if she had Jagger and Sarkozy at the same time. He’d look like that friendly troll out of Labyrinth.
The Independent The lady does have connections with cinema. Vincent Perez.
The Sun Who?
The Independent And Kevin Costner.
The Sun Waterworlds. Water fucking worlds. I hear she sings too. I’d make her sing, all right. She’d sing like the bird of paradise she is, mate.
The Independent Have you got a picture of her?
The Sun Of course, mate. Look at that. I told you. Look at them tits. I love that stony gaze. It’s almost like a challenge. She looks like a cat.
The Independent Or a supple she-sphinx. Did you see Prince Philip? He looks like he’s got x-ray eyes, ogling like the caveman he is. She is beautiful, isn’t she? That Dior coat gives just a hint of her figure (“It was a chic, flattering shape, and showed off her figure” is how the Independent actually chose to phrase it), but you can imagine what she’s like under that coat, can’t you?
You know the photographer who took that photo of yours, Michael Comte. He says he’s got more. They’re auctioning it for £2000 at Christie’s in New York. If I could justify it......
…… but The Independent cannot.
The First Lady of France is everywhere. The masses seem to need the Princess. Cinderella. Grace Kelly. Diana.
What we really need, though, is choice. It would also be nice to trust a newspaper*. For years, my English staple has been The Independent. I don’t think it’s disappointed me before. Today, they sought to sell me a copy through intellectualised titillation and it was offensive. The Editor’s decision to emblazon nearly half of the front page with a photograph of Carla Bruni-Sarkozy’s legs coupled with the seaside postcard wit of its “fancy footwork” caption was lecherous and transparent. For a moment, I may as well have picked up The Sun.
The Independent made me think of the sensitive boy in the school playground who puts his principles to one side to fit in with the bawdy lads, only to find that he rather likes sauce. He’ll never plunge to their depths though and he’ll mask his baseness with knowledge. He’s a clever one, you know. He’d never watch a porn film but his favourite film is ‘Baise-Moi’ and there’s a ‘Betty Blue’ poster above his desk. The only way to gain respect from EVERYONE at school is to always behave with integrity. Surely, there is a newspaper in England who will do this.
The feminist movement has made great strides but as long as women are feasted upon in this crass manner by the organisations that proclaim themselves liberal, there will never be truth and there will never be equality.
Gaston Diesel.
*I’ll take this opportunity to introduce http://www.medialens.org
Posted in General | Gaston Diesel | April 3rd 2008 Comments so far (0)
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