Swimmer out of water
General | Georgina Lock | 14.04.08
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New on The Broadsheet
Mostly Harmless
by Nicola Monaghan
She has called British teenagers ‘arsey’, accused our men of only getting emotional about ‘silly, inconsequential things’ such as ‘Freddie Flintoff being bowled out, iPod malfunctions’ and conspiratorially pointed out the fashion disaster ‘coma shopping’ the other fifty-percent of the population allegedly indulge in.
She’s labelled the behaviour of Scarlett Johansson in a pop video ‘soft porn’ and informed the nation that Simon Cowell needs a bra, further stating that she’s noticed ‘men have been turning into (rather rubbish) women for some time’. Who is she? Observer columnist and Queen of the not so glittering generalisations (and cheap shot statements set in brackets for effect); Barbara Ellen.
Which begs another question. What is she doing on the pages of the Observer? Self styled as ‘National Sunday quality (broadsheet), sister paper of The Guardian, specialises in in-depth analysis and comment on UK and world news, politics…’ not a description I’d disagree with for the most part. I’d hate to think they were going for the safe option. I refuse to believe it. And yet, it’s just not that hard to imagine Ellen’s copy nestling between Allison Pearson and Melanie Phillips in the Mail. In fact, though I often disagree with their opinions, both of these women write more proficiently than Barbara Ellen, and the issues they tackle are much braver.
The name sounds like something straight out of a bad American 80s super soap and that makes a certain kind of sense. I was introduced to Ellen, or her column at least, by a friend, who explained that she judges each Sunday’s instalment by how long it takes her to get annoyed enough to give up. Given Ellen’s columns rarely run to more than about a thousand words, this says everything. I had to find out more. I discovered a woman who doesn’t so much sweep with her generalisations, as vacuum.
I now know there’s a hardcore of people who are confused as hell about how Barbara Ellen is getting away with this. Before she turned away from the evil lure of cocaine and columnism, it seemed someone had a pop at Julie Burchill approximately every three seconds. Christ, you can even ‘generate some Burchill’ randomly here if the mood takes you. Apparently, ‘sometimes it will make sense and sometimes not, just like the real thing’. Yet, if it comes down to writing, which this column does, Burchill is no doubt the superior practitioner. Just how is Barbara Ellen getting away with this?
I think I may have the answer. For this piece, I was hoping to focus on one of Ellen’s articles that caused me particular distress; I couldn’t find one with enough substance. Each seems to pick up an issue of little to no importance, lightly play with it, make a few foolish statements, then foray into meaningless lack of conclusion. Birchill always expressed her views on class, anti-Semitism, the war, Islam, the death sentence, Margaret Thatcher and communism with vigour and panache. The views might have been objectionable or difficult, but they were also strong and believable. You felt what she had written could make a difference, and that was almost the problem. You were left with an uncomfortable feeling that she might be able to convince someone of something. I don’t ever get that feeling when I read Barbara Ellen. She is just not a good enough writer to get upset about.
At best, Barbara Ellen could be described as a writer who takes a short, simplistic look at some vaguely newsworthy subjects such as celebrity culture and relationships (with definite overuse of shotgun brackets). Is there a place for this kind of journalism? Probably. Is that place the Observer newspaper? Surely not.
Nottingham based Nicola Monaghan is author of the critically acclaimed novel, The Killing Jar. Published in March 2006, this first novel went on to win a Betty Trask Award, and was shortlisted for the Goss First Novel Award. It was also listed as one of The Independent’s hot 50 books for summer 2006.
Her second novel, Starfishin, will be published in 2008.
http://www.nicolamonaghan.co.uk
Editorial | Nicola Monaghan | 02.05.07 Comments (0)
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